


Almost

by NotGunnaRuPaulogize51500



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2020-10-26 13:43:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20743148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotGunnaRuPaulogize51500/pseuds/NotGunnaRuPaulogize51500





	1. Chapter 1

"She sees in me who I can be, not just the dude I think I am. When someone sees you like that, you want them looking at you forever." 

Luke's words had been clouding Grizz's mind for hours now, making his afternoon nap an impossible endeavor. Grizz found himself in the gardens, lost in thought, pulling carrots. For so long now, Grizz had been longing to find that one person. That person who would see him for himself, not the person he portrayed to the rest of the world. He wanted to be seen as more than just the jock or the pot head; he wanted to be seen as the true poetry/play nerd-romantic he was in the inside. The side no one saw. He wanted nothing more than just to be seen, to give all the love he knew he was capable of giving. There was this old film Grizz liked, Moulin Rouge, and one of the opening lines from that movie rang true now more than ever: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, And to be loved in return. Grizz wanted that more than anything. 

Grizz thought back to before all of this bullshit happened; back to high school. He pretty much knew he was gay, even then. Only one boy ever caught his eye, however, so he always doubted it. That one boy, was Sam Eliot. Grizz had watched Sam all throughout school, always crushing after him and wondering what went on in his mind. Grizz envied Sam's friendship with Becca, he longed to have that same kind of connection with Sam as Becca did. If Grizz didn't know any better, he would say that Becca and Sam were an item. But he knew Sam was gay, everyone did. 

He had only spoken to Sam once, however, at the prom. Thanks to some liquid courage, Grizz had gotten up the nerve to approach Sam. Sadly, he had made a fool out of himself by making Sam believe he couldn't understand his speech. Grizz cringed at the memory. Sam had told Grizz how he hated high school, which Grizz understood why. High school had been hell for Sam. Being New Ham's only out gay kid wasn't easy. Top that off with being deaf, he was a target for anyone with low self esteem. Grizz wished their first encounter had gone better, He needed a better approach. 

The main reason Grizz had never approached Sam in high school was due to the language barrier. He knew Sam knew how to read lips, but he hated the idea of forcing him to do so when he had his own language. It didn't seem fair to Sam. And then, it dawned on Grizz: he could learn sign language. I mean it couldn't be that hard, right? But then again, was that a good idea? Should he try to go for Sam? Luke's words played through his mind again. They were all stuck in this anti-universe, with no guarantee of survival. Ever since Emily had died, and Grizz had saw the writing on the wall, Grizz truly didn't know if they would survive this. Maybe, just maybe, Sam wanted the same thing Grizz did. Maybe he could see Grizz, and Grizz knew for sure he could see him. So, why not? Luke had a point in his words, and Grizz couldn't help but feel as if he had to take a chance on them. He had to, he might not live long enough to find out if he waited. And he didn't want to take that chance. 

That afternoon Grizz went to the library to try to find a book on sign language. Much to his surprise, he only found one; British Sign Language. English was English, right? For hours on end, until the library closed, Grizz practiced the same signs over and over. He even snuck the book home, locking himself in his room and practicing the same phrase until he got it perfect. Once he was comfortable, he practiced some more without the book, in front of the mirror. I look so stupid, Grizz thought. He reminded himself how he needed to do this. Not just to be able to talk to Sam, but for himself. Grizz had been repressed for so long, denying himself of his true feelings about who he was and what he liked. Now was as good as a time as ever to act on them. To truly be himself. High school was over, there was no more college, now was his only chance. 

***

Grizz stood outside of the library for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only about 10 minutes, just second guessing himself. Gordie had said Sam was working at the library until 7 today, and it was 5:15. Just go in, show him your skills, and win him over! Okay, you got this. Maybe I don't got this. Maybe I should just go back to the garden's and work, waisting my numbered days away with the carrots. No, fuck. Just go in there! 

Grizz finally found himself opening the double doors to the library, his heart in his throat the entire time. He opened and shut the door twice, second guessing himself again. No, you've got this. He caught sight of Sam at the front desk, copying medical documents. Okay, just go up there and talk to him. 

Hesitently, Grizz made his way over to the ginger boy, waving a hand in front of him to catch Sam's attention. Sam perked up when he saw Grizz, making Grizz's heart skip a beat. 

"What are you doing here?" Sam asked, turning to Grizz and looking up at him with those large blue eyes. 

Sam was shocked to see Grizz, he hadn't seen him one on one since prom. 

Fuck, his eyes. Grizz set his backpack down on the counter. "Gordie said I could find you in the uhm, the library." 

"Oh, okay-" 

"Wait," Grizz said, cutting Sam off, "Let me just." He took a deep breath. "Okay." He slowly got out the signs, How are you, it's nice to see you. "Fuck. Uhm.. Oh!" How do you like my sign language?

Sam gave Grizz a confused look. 

"You don't look so impressed." Grizz said, his hands dropping, his voice dripping with anxiety. 

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Was I supposed to understand that?" 

"You didn't?" Sam shook his head, "Well, fuck." Grizz sighed. 

Sam began to speak again, signing with his words, "What are you doing?" He was smiling slightly, his eyebrows peaked with interest. 

"Trying to speak in gibberish apparently. I wanted to say, 'How are you, it's nice to see you, how do you like my sign language?' Here," Grizz pulled out the book he had checked out previously. Only to have Sam laugh. "What? What?" 

Sam ducked his head as he laughed before collecting himself and pointing at the book, "This is BSL, I use ASL." 

Grizz felt like a dumbass. "Oh so they're different?" Sam nodded, "Oh come on man!" He slammed the book on the counter top, "It was the only book I could find!" 

"Why are you trying to learn sign language? Are you planning on going deaf?" Sam asked sarcastically. 

"No," Grizz said, adding just as much sarcasm, "I'm not. I wanted to be able to talk to you, or well, sign to you." 

"I can read lips." 

"I know." Sam raised an eyebrow. "I wanted to be able to talk to you, you know, in your language." 

Sam smiled, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms across his chest. He wasn't sure how to read the situation, all he knew was that Grizz's words had made his heart flutter inside of his chest. "Oh." He stopped for a moment before continuing. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for this trip?" 

Grizz should have thought before speaking, "Sure, but I'm also preparing for when I get back." 

Sam had been replaying today's incidents in his head over and over. Sam thought back to prom, and how shocked he was that Grizz had sat down next to him to talk. How nervous Grizz seemed. Could he be... no. No way. Grizz was probably just trying to make new friends, that's it. Though that didn't make much sense either. Why would he want to be friends with Sam? There had to be some sort of ulterior motive. Could he be?.... maybe... Sam thought of Grizz's words. "I'm also preparing for when I get back." What did that mean? Sam had no clue. 

Sam thought back to high school, An image coming to mind of Campbell shoving him in the hallway, looking around and seeing people laughing as he fell. All except for Grizz. Grizz had looked sympathetic. Almost hurt. 

Could he be? Was Sam reading into this right? God he sure hoped so...

***

(Scenes we didn't get to see)

Grizz thought he had fucked up by what he had said to Sam, maybe he had been too forward. Maybe he had made a complete fool out of himself and Sam would never want to talk to him again. Grizz was surprised when he received a text from Sam. 

To Grizz, From Sam: Hey, It's Sam Eliot. Were you still wanting to learn some sign language? 

Grizz's heart skipped a beat. Oh fuck, oh fuck.. Okay, you've got this, just play it cool. 

To Sam, From Grizz: Hey! Yeah, sure. When are you free? 

Maybe I shouldn't have put an exclamation point. 

Buzz buzz. 

To Grizz, From Sam: I'm free tonight if you want to come by Becca's place around 8? 

Fuck, okay. 

To Sam, From Grizz: Sure, I'll see you there :) 

***

Grizz sat on Becca's couch, patiently waiting for Sam to get home. It was 8 on the dot, and Grizz was an anxious mess. When Grizz saw a very pregnant Becca come down the stairs, he suddenly felt nervous. 

"Hey, Becca, Have you seen Sam around?" Grizz asked, fidgeting its his hands.

"No, not for awhile I mean." Becca said, sitting across from Grizz on the couch. "Why, are you teaching him how to play football or something?" 

Grizz chuckled to himself. "Uhm, no, actually he's teaching me how to sign a bit." 

"Why do you want to learn sign?" 

Shit, he hadn't thought ahead this far. "Well, why not? THere's not much to do around here you know? Try something new everyday?" 

"Yeah but uh, he'll be home in a little bit." 

"Okay."

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes, Grizz suddenly having the thought of asking Becca about her pregnancy. He had no idea until recently that she was pregnant, and had questions. But, before they could be answered, Sam walked in the front door, tossing his coat on the coat wrack before noticing the pair sitting in the living room. 

"Hey, you're here." Sam said, giving Grizz a small smile. He immidatley turned to Becca, "How are you feeling?" He whispered, signing along to his words. 

"I'm okay, I'm going to lay back down." She told him, "See you later Grizz." And with that, she descended up the stairs. 

An awkward silence resumed amongst the two boys, overwhelming Grizz. "So, uhm, would you want to teach me some signs?" He asked, getting Sam's attention. 

"Sure!" Sam said, taking a seat on the sofa besides Grizz, making Grizz's body go stiff. "What would you like to learn?" 

Grizz hesitated for a moment, he hadn't thought about what exactly he wanted to learn. "Just the basics I guess, would that be a good place to start? Sorry I just uhm, I'm new to this."

Sam chuckled softly, Grizz couldn't help but admire his laugh. He loved the way it sounded, the way Sam's eyes smiled more than his actual lips did. "Let's start with the alphabet. Copy after me." 

The lesson went on for another hour and a half. Grizz getting through the alphabet four times, two additional times by himself, as well as a few simple signs like 'yes' and 'no' and 'cool'. Grizz felt quite proud of himself, learning sign language with a person was much easier than a book of the wrong language. 

They were interrupted when Becca came down the stairs again. "I'm going to try to sleep, would you two mind practicing outside? Your laughter is really loud. Not trying to sound like a bitch I'm just exhausted." 

Sam gave her an apologetic smile. "Of course, we'll go outback. Do you need anything?"

Grizz watched their exchange with wary eyes. 

"No no, I'm okay. Thanks though, love. Goodnight. Goodnight Grizz!" 

And with that she descended back up the stairs. 

As Sam and Grizz walked out to the back patio, Grizz couldn't get Becca's use of the word "love" out of his head. 

"You two have always been so close." Grizz said as he sat down, his voice distant. He was grateful Sam couldn't hear it. 

Sam smiled to himself before looking back up at Grizz. "She's my best friend. She's always been there for me. Through everything." 

Grizz felt his heart drop a bit. He knew what Sam meant by 'everything'. Grizz would give anything to go back in time and change how he ignored Sam's problems in high school, how he never stepped in. "That's good." His voice cracked. "That she's uhm.. that she's been there." 

"Yeah, is there anything else you wanted to learn for tonight?" Sam asked, looking up at Grizz. 

The wind blew by, the harsh touch of the mid-autumn New England air nipping at Sam's exposed flesh as he shivered. 

"You cold?" Grizz asked, noticing Sam's teeth chattering. 

Sam shook his head, stubborn as ever. "No I'm fine, just left my coat inside. I'll go grab it-" 

"Here, wear mine." 

Sam was about to protest, but Grizz was too quick on his feet; quickly striding over to Sam, taking his letterman jacket off, and draping it carefully over Sam's shoulders. Sam didn't have a chance to stop himself from inhaling deeply as he wrapped Grizz's oversized jacket over himself, Grizz smelt of pine and cinnamon. "T-thanks." He murmured. Sam tried to ignore the way that Grizz's hands had lingered on his shoulders for a moment, and how the feeling of his touch, even through the thick polyester, seemed to burn Sam's skin in the most heavenly way. 

Grizz awkwardly took his seat again, running his fingers through his hair. "Tomorrow is thanksgiving. You going?" 

Sam shrugged, noting the weight of Grizz's jacket on his shoulders and how oddly comforting it felt. "I'm not sure. Family dinners were never my thing. But Becca wants me to come with her so I probably will." 

Grizz nodded, thinking. "How about this, you're teaching me sign, I'll teach you how to garden? You can come by the gardens before dinner? Say around 3?" Grizz knew there was a flag football game going on then, however he didn't care. They're fine plenty of opportunities to play football, but he wasn't sure how many opportunities he had to spend time with Sam. 

"Yeah, id like that. I've always wanted to learn, but my mother wasn't much of a gardener. Neither was my dad." 

"It's a date then." 

***

"So you want to grab the whole vegitible, not just the green part." Grizz instructed, taking Sam's hand and showing him how to uproot the carrot properly. "Now twist and pull." 

Sam tried to ignore how amazing Grizz's hand felt over his own, or how it made his heart race. But he couldn't. As he pulled up the carrot he let out a small huff. "Pretty cool." 

Grizz chuckled. "There you go." 

"Should we pull some more? I mean we're missing dinner?" Sam asked. 

No no, no way in hell. They had only been here for an hour. "Oh, I don't know. I kinda like loosing track of time up here." He thought for a moment before speaking again, "You know they say if you have a garden and a library you have everything you need. It's C-I-C-E-R-O, I think." Grizz said, singing out the letters and phrase he knew. 

Sam was impressed, Grizz must have been practicing. Was this all really for him? Sam couldn't help but notice how Grizz's fiction had improved, and how the curve of his lips formed every word. God, Sam had the sudden urge to kiss him in that moment. "Cicero? Very smart." Sam teased. 

They shared in a laugh. "Well thank you so much." 

They both couldn't stop their laughter, when Sam noticed how close Grizz was. "So.. do you?" He asked, testing the waters. 

Grizz's heart fluttered, his smile fading and giving Sam a soulful look. "Almost." He said honestly. 

Sam couldn't help but smile to himself sadly. Maybe Grizz meant him? Possibly? 

(Scenes we didn't see) 

The pair continued gardening for quite some time, laughing and telling jokes, Grizz signing what he could at every opportunity he could take. The two eventually decided on going to Grizz's house, skipping dinner all together, the thought of it in the back of their minds. Sam was pretty confident that Grizz had been hitting on him, that's all it could be. But he'd be damned if he made the first move, no way. So he waited patiently. 

Walking into Grizz's house, Grizz made a b-line to the stairs and up to his room, avoiding the other occupants in his house. Once the door to Grizz's bedroom was closed, sam took the chance to look around, noting the family pictures, the hockey sticks and football trophies. As well as the numerous amounts of books scattered here and there. Sam admired Grizz's book-savyness. He himself was a book nerd, but he couldn't just quote anything off of the top of his head like Grizz could. Sam noted the different books, all old literature. Classic literature. Some more obscure ones. Grizz had good taste. Whitman, Yeats, Cicero, Etc. Grizz offered for Sam to take a seat besides him on his bed, causing Sam's heart pulsate at the insinuation. 

"Have you heard of Ginsberg?" Sam asked, remembering Grizz's love of poetry. 

Grizz thought for a moment, running his fingers through his hair. Sam noticed how he always did that when he was thinking or nervous. "He was a beat poet right? I've never read any of his work, but uhm, I've read a lot of Keroack." 

"You'd like Ginsberg. He was very obscure, hated rhyme and meter. He was big on going away from the norm. He was an openly gay poet back then which is what got me caught onto his work. Daniel Radcliffe played him in the movie Kill Your Darlings which is about how him, Keroack, and Burroghs came together through a crime." 

Grizz smiled as Sam went on a tangent about his favorite poet. He liked seeing Sam so passionate about something, the way his eyes would light up. "When did you discover his work?" 

"When I was outed. So when I was.... 15? Becca showed me the movie, I think it was her attempt of distracting me, but it totally made me obsessed with Ginsberg. You should check him out. I'll lend you a copy of 'The authentic ginsberg'. I have two copies." 

Sam blushed, but Grizz smiled. "When you were outed?" Grizz asked. "I remember that... when Campbell did that shit. I wanted to kill him for that..." Grizz sighed. "I'm sorry I didn't say or do anything back then." 

Sam shrugged. "It's in the past. We're here now, that's what matters." 

"Could I ask you a personal question? You don't uhm, you don't have to answer if you don't want to." 

Sam nodded. 

(Scenes we did see) 

"How did you... how did you loose your hearing?" 

Sam sighed, "When I was three, maybe four. I got meningitis." 

Grizz just barely caught the word. "Meningitis? Wow." He thought for a moment, testing how comfortable Sam felt with him. "Do you- do you remember hearing- hearing at all?" 

"Some." Sam said, smiling softly. "My moms voice. The way she used to sing to me and Campbell. My dads laugh." He smiled at the memory. He signed Campbell's name sign. A simple C. 

"Cool." Grizz said, signing along to the word. 

Sam smiled softly, he hadn't felt this open and vulnerable with anyone in forever, no one besides Becca. Oddly enough, he felt comfortable enough to keep talking. "When I dream, I still dream with sound, but not new sounds." He had never told anyone that. 

"And what would be a new sound?" Grizz asked, genuinely curious. 

"My voice." Sam said in barely a whisper. "I remember it from when I was a kid, but I'm guessing it's a little deeper now." Grizz couldn't help but laugh lightly. "I wish I could hear yours." Sam sad boldly. 

Grizz felt his heart skip a beat, all of his emotions hitting him at once. He had to do this now. He felt this pull towards Sam. Sam had opened up to him, now it was Grizz's turn. 

"Can you teach me one more phrase in sign language?" Grizz asked, his head down, scared to meet Sam's eyes. 

Sam nodded, searching for Grizz's gaze. 

The temperature in the room seemed to rise. Grizz took a deep breath. "How do you say 'kiss me'?" 

Sam felt his heart skip a beat, his smile spreading across his face. He was right. He hadn't gotten his hopes up. 

Grizz's heart was pounding relentlessly, he was scared, horrified in that moment. Wishing he could take those words back. He hated being vulnerable, but he wouldn't feel that way for much longer. 

Sam leaned forward, his breath catching in his throat as some sort of gravitational pull pulled him towards Grizz, his eyes drifting from Grizz's eyes to his lips. Sam hovered there for a moment, giving Grizz a chance to back out or say no. When he didn't, Sam took a deep breath, leaning in and pressing his lips to Grizz's softly. Sam felt something ignite in him in that moment that he had never felt before, somewhere between flame and water, as he found himself cupping Grizz's cheeks and kissing him again. And Grizz kissed him back. 

(What we didn't see)

Grizz wasn't sure how or when it happened, but before he knew it, Sam was on top of him, straddling his waist and leant over his body, kissing him. Grizz was in pure heaven. Never in a million years did he dream of ever coming out, let alone kissing the boy he had been ogling over for four years. This felt much more natural than kissing girls, there was no thought to it. In fact , Grizz couldn't think. All he could do was react; and his reaction was to kiss Sam back with as much vigor as possible, making up for lost time. 

Sam shivered when he felt Grizz's hands on his waist, his fingertips brushing against Sam's exposed skin. He felt Grizz pull away as his hands wondered beneath Sam's shirt. 

"Is this okay?" Grizz asked. 

Sam need only nodded, leaning back down to kiss Grizz again. His heart was pounding and his blood boiled throughout his veins in the most pleasant way. All he could do was kiss Grizz, and relish in the feeling of it. Sam felt Grizz lifting up His shirt, and Sam didn't hesitate to sit up, letting Grizz rid him of his shirt. Sam felt suddenly exposed and rather self aware, that was until Grizz spoke. 

"You're so beautiful." Grizz murmured, his hands slowly drifting over Sam's exposed flesh. 

Sam couldn't hide his blush as Grizz sat up to kiss him again before he had the chance to speak, taking Sam's breath away. Grizz seemed to have that effect on him. Grizz's kisses were like liquid fire, causing Sam's entire body to come alive. Including parts of him he was sure Grizz could feel pressed against his groin.

Sam pulled away. He knew this had to be Grizz's first time with a guy, hell it was Sam's as well. But he didn't want to cross any boundaries. "Do you want to keep going?" Sam asked breathlessly. 

Grizz nodded, perhaps too eagerly, as he discarded of his own shirt. Sam marveled at Grizz's body, speechless. 

Teeth collided and bodies intertwined , for hours on end. Two souls becoming one.


	2. Part 2- The Reunion

"I'll see you soon."

Those were the last words Grizz had spoken to Sam before leaving on the exhibition to find new recourses for food and water. Those four words had taunted Sam relentlessly; every spare moment he had to himself over the last week was spent recounting those four words, and wondering if they were true. As each day passed, Sam grew more and more anxious that maybe he wouldn't see Grizz soon. After all, they didn't know what was out there, anything could happen. When Sam wasn't worrying, he was looking after Eden, him and Becca's baby. Well, technically his anyway. Sam had quickly fallen in love with the small child, taking every moment he could to hold her and care for her, much to Becca's relief. She already resembled Becca strongly; small tuffs of brown hair and olive skin. Naturally, with a newborn, sleep is difficult. Put worrying over your lover's life on top of that, Sam was extremely sleep deprived. When he did manage to capture a few hours of rest, they were far from peaceful; always having nightmares of Grizz not returning. 

To say Grizz was worse for wear ever since he arrived back in New Ham from the exhibition would be an understatement. After discovering what had happened with Allie, Grizz found himself going to the only safe space he could think of, the gardens, to clear his head. Caked in mud, freezing, and both mentally and physically exhausted, Grizz paced back and forth between the dead plants, his mind racing. Just as it had all week, his thoughts were of Sam. Even when he was freezing in his tent, unsure if another day would greet him, he thought of Sam. He wanted to see him, he had promised that he would. But, Grizz was horrified. He had heard that Sam's daughter was born, and the. thought of having to see her made Grizz sick to his stomach. It was another physical sign that Sam wasn't his, and he never would be. Not truly. He had a baby with Becca, a family. And Grizz was determined not to be a home wrecker. Grizz had shed so many tears over this, he finally followed his heart only to get it broken the next day. He had put a lot of trust in Sam, and he had broken it. But, he had promised he would see Sam again, and Grizz always stuck to his promises. Even if he was heartbroken. Pulling out his phone, he decided to text Sam. 

***

Sam sat, watching Eden and Becca while they slept, when his phone lit up the dark hospital room. At first he considered ignoring it, not wanting to get his hopes up, but then his phone buzzed again, and again. He picked it up. 

To Sam, From Grizz: Hey  
To Sam, From Grizz: I wanted to let you know I'm okay. I'm back. Don't worry about me. We found food and water.   
To Sam, From Grizz: I hope you're alright. 

Sam felt his heart pounding in his chest, his thumbs shaking over the glow of his phone screen. 

To Grizz, From Sam: Hey, I'm so glad you're alright, I've been worried. I'm okay, extremely sleep deprived. 

*Buzz, buzz*

To Sam, From Grizz: I could imagine, makes two of us. I know it's late, but can I see you? 

Sam immediately called Kelly over, asking her to take over for awhile. 

To Grizz, From Sam: Yes, where can I meet you?

***

Grizz couldn't stop pacing back and fourth between the empty pots of carrots, nervously fidgeting with his hands as he waited impatiently for Sam. It had been 12 minutes since Sam had said he was on his way, and Grizz was beginning to regret asking him to come. He was nervous, horribly nervous to see Sam. All he could do was repeat to himself over and over 'Don't cry, don't cry'. The moment Grizz saw Sam coming up the dirt path through the darkness and fog, he felt tears spring fourth to his eyes, biting on his bottom lip to keep from letting them spill. 

"Hey" Sam said in a small voice, approaching Grizz with caution. 

Grizz gulped, "Hey.. It's uh, It's been awhile." 

Sam hadn't anticipated this to be so awkward. "You just got back today I'm guessing?" Sam asked. "You're covered in mud." Why did I say that? Sam asked himself. 

Grizz glanced down at his mud caked jacket, "Oh, yeah. A few hours ago..." He let out a sigh, deciding to bite the bullet now, "I heard your daughter was born. I suppose I should say congratulations." 

Sam gave Grizz a sad smile, "Yeah, she was. We named her Eden." 

"Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, how fitting." Grizz murmured bitterly. 

Sam caught Grizz's words, sighing sadly and glancing at the ground, deciding it was best to change the subject. "I've been worried about you... I haven't hardly slept all week... I'm glad you're okay." 

Grizz scoffed, "You shouldn't be worrying about me Sam, you've got a daughter now. She should be your priority." 

Sam wrapped his arms around himself, wanting nothing more than to tell Grizz the truth, but knowing it wasn't his place. "Grizz I- Of course I've been worried about you, I care about you." Sam's words were riddled with a level of sternness that Grizz hadn't yet heard from the usually shy and withdrawn boy. 

"Really? You care? Is that what you call what you did?" Grizz bit back, unable to hold back his words any longer. "Do you know what you did, Sam? I trusted you! I had never come out to anyone before, I've never been so vulnerable. And you took advantage of that!" Grizz made sure to announciate every word so Sam could understand, despite the tears that were now flowing down his cheeks. 

Sam felt a knife go through his heart in that moment, wanting nothing more than to just reach out and hold Grizz, to tell him the truth. Instead he took a step closer, now only a foot between them. "I do care, Grizz. I care about you, a lot. Like I said before, what happened between us was real, for me at least. I've been worried sick, I've been so scared you might not come back.... I've never felt that type of fear. Not even living with Campbell." Sam took a deep breath, fighting back tears. "I never meant to hurt you, Grizz. Nothing is going on between me and Becca. We were drunk one night and it just- happened. Even now, we're not together. I promise. I'm gay, I always have been. What happened between me and you though? It meant something. I've never been with someone else before, I've never trusted anyone enough.. Not until you. I never meant to hurt you, Grizz. I never meant for any of this to happen. But, I don't regret it. I don't regret sleeping with you... I only regret hurting you." 

Grizz could hear the sincerity in Sam's words, he could see the truth behind his tear-filled eyes. And it made him feel even more heartbroken somehow, knowing that Sam was being honest. It tore Grizz in two, he was conflicted. "I won't be a home wrecker...." He said quietly, tears streaming down his face. "I'm not breaking up your family, Sam. I just- I can't do that." 

Sam took another step closer to Grizz, testing the waters. "You wouldn't be... Me and Becca are just co-parenting, I guess that's what its called. Grizz, please, just forgive me? Can't we move past this?" Sam pleaded, looking up at Grizz with a heartfelt expression, his hands reaching out to clutch Grizz's jacket, "I need you, All I've been able to do is think about you and worry about you. Please, I need you..." 

Grizz couldn't hold back any longer, reaching down to cup Sam's face as he hastily leaned down and pulled him into a kiss. He could taste the mixing of their tears on Sam's lips, but he didn't care. A wave of relief washed over him as their lips collided, and the world felt at peace again, almost as if everything was okay. This was were Grizz was meant to be, holding Sam, kissing him. Nothing else mattered. Sam kissed Grizz back with just as much vigor, letting out a sigh against Grizz's lips as he clutched onto Grizz's jacket tighter, attempting to keep himself stable. Sam felt like he could float away in that moment, float up amongst the clouds and fade away. But he wasn't, he was in Grizz's arms, and nothing felt better.


	3. Part 3

Sam sat on Grizz's bed, his hand lingering over the bedspread; memories flooding back to him. This is where they shared their first kiss, their first time... It was where Sam lost his virginity, where Grizz had finally succumbed to who he truly was. Sam had to fight back tears sitting alone in Grizz's room, waiting for him to come out of the shower. He recalled laying in Grizz's arms for hours after they had slept together, talking and getting to know each other, and how good it felt to be held by Grizz. Sam wasn't sure how many minutes had passed while he waited for Grizz to finish, but he found himself crying quietly. God, how he wished he could go back to that night, change something, tell Grizz the truth, anything. He mostly just hoped that things could go back to the way they were; but he feared after their argument that nothing ever would. He then felt a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jump.

"Shit- Sorry, I didn't see you come back in-" Sam's words were cut off by Grizz standing there in just a towel, water dripping down his torso and disappearing behind the polyester green towel that hung dangerously low on Grizz's hips

. "I didn't mean to scare you- are you crying?"

Concern flooded throughout Grizz, immediatly sitting beside Sam on his bed and placing a hand on his shoulder. While his heart still ached, the pain had ebbed and was now dull, he wanted to make sure Sam was okay, despite everything that had happened.

Sam wiped away at his tears, "Yeah, I just- this room is where... Well, you know.. Brought back a bunch of memories. I'm fine.." Sam avoided Grizz's gaze, not to mention avoided looking at his exposed body.

Grizz let his hand drift to Sam's back, rubbing soothing circles along his shoulder blades. It made Sam shiver. He missed Grizz's touch, he had almost forgotten what it had felt like. "You're not okay... But I know what you mean. I couldn't sleep in my bed those last few days before I left, too many memories. That sounds ridiculous though, doesn't it? We only had one night together, yet it feels like much more than that, doesn't it?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah, it does." he said in a small voice. "Do you uh, do you want me to leave so you can get dressed?" Sam asked awkwardly, his hands shaking as he signed, from a mixture of overwhelming emotion and a sudden awareness of the vulnerability of their current circumstances.

Grizz let out a small chuckle, "It isn't like you haven't seen me naked before." He commented, making Sam laugh. God, he had missed Sam's laugh. "There you go, there's that smile." Grizz reached out to brush his fingers against Sam's cheek for a moment before retracting his hand. "Sorry.. I'm- I'm not sure what is okay and what isn't okay to do here. I mean, I know we've done things, and we kissed earlier, but I'm not sure what you're comfortable with or what I should be doing..."

"What do you want to do?" Sam signed, afraid his voice would fail him in that moment. Part of him was scared Grizz would end all of this, another part of him couldn't stop staring at a particular drop of water that was cascading down Grizz's neck

. Grizz sighed, "I want to be close to you again, like before. I'm... I feel drawn to you, Sam. Like I've never felt drawn to anyone else before. I'm just- scared."

Sam turned to face Grizz, "I am too, but I promise, no more secrets, I won't hurt you again. I never intended to.. But I understand, I mean, if you want this to end... I never intended to hurt you, Grizz... Fuck, im so sorry..." Sam felt guilt overwhelm him, burying his face in his hands to hide from the world, sometimes he was grateful he couldn't hear, it allowed him to block out reality easier.

Grizz repeated Sam's name over and over, but of course, he couldn't hear him. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him in that moment, though he wasn't sure why. Slowly, Grizz reached out to take Sam's hands away from his face, taking the boy's smaller hands into his own and holding them tightly. When Sam's tear-filled eyes met his, Grizz felt his heart break. "Lets not talk about that right now, okay? I just... Come here." Grizz held his arms open for Sam, sighing in relief when Sam leaned into him, Grizz wrapping his arms around Sam and engulfing him in a large hug.

Sam his his face in the crook of Grizz's neck, letting his tears fall and breathing him in. God, he had almost forgotten how Grizz had smelled. Grizz always smelled like cinnamon and the air after it rained.

Grizz was highly aware now of the fact that he was basically naked, Sam breathing on his neck, and he had to restrain himself from acting on his impulses. Grizz let out a sigh, taking deep breaths to keep himself from getting excited. But fuck, it was hard, the memories that were on this bed, the feeling of Sam's lips ghosting against his bare flesh; it was driving him insane. He had to adjust his sitting position

. "Are you alright?" Sam asked, sitting up.

Grizz laughed awkwardly, "Yeah, I uh, I'm fine." Grizz lied, placing his hands in his lap to hide his issue.

Sam quickly noticed, he wasn't oblivious. He wasn't sure what to do, however, should he make a move? Or leave Grizz to handle it himself? "Oh, I uh, did I cause that?" Sam asked, trying to hide the smirk that was developing on his face. His sadness gone.

Grizz blushed, "Maybe, it'll go away. Let me just uh, get changed." Grizz rose to his feet, nearly dropping the towel. "Fuck..."

Sam decided in that moment to be bold, testing the waters even more; He rose to his feet and wrapped his arms around Grizz from behind, pressing kisses to his damp shoulder blades. Grizz let out a sigh, gripping onto the dresser. "Sam.." he murmured, but Sam couldn't hear him. Part of him wanted to stop this, maybe it was too soon, but the moment he felt Sam's hands on his hips, he was done for. Grizz pivoted on his feet, turning around to meet Sam's gaze for a moment before pulling him close, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. Sam was taken aback, but couldn't be happier. He kissed Grizz with every ounce of passion and vigor he had in him; tongues meeting and teeth clashing as Grizz lead Sam backwards, pushing him down onto the bed, their lips never separating as he stumbled on top of Sam, nearly crushing him causing them both to laugh

."That was graceful." Sam teased, looking up at Grizz. "

Oh, shut up and kiss me." Grizz murmured, leaning back down to kiss Sam as he straddled him in his towel. Proving to be difficult. Sam reached up to try to undo Grizz's towel, but Grizz made quick work of discarding it himself, pinning Sam's hands above his head as he began trailing kisses down his neck, marking his skin in every place he could reach with Sam still fully clothed.

Grizz sat up momentarily, "It isn't fair that I'm the only one naked here."

Sam chuckled, "Then let's take care of that."

Grizz, perhaps too eagerly, tugged Sam's shirt off of him, tossing it aside and began kissing down Sam's bare torso, licking a stripe up his collarbones and down to his pecks, taking one of Sam's nipples between his teeth, relishing in the sounds Sam was making and knowing he was the cause of it. Making his way down Sam's chest, Grizz stopped at his jeans, glancing up at Sam who was looking down at Grizz with hooded eyes. "

Mind if I take these off? They're in the way." Sam nodded, murmuring a 'yes', which was all Grizz needed to hear. Unbuttoning Sam's jeans and hastily pulling down his zipper, Grizz motioned for Sam to lift his hips, tugging his jeans down, his boxers going with them. Grizz sat up on his haunches, taking a moment to admire the boy who he had greatly missed, his eyes trailing down his body, his hands reaching out to do the same. "You're so beautiful." Grizz whispered, signing along before hovering over Sam again to kiss him. The moment Grizz's body was flushed against Sam's, Sam let out a quiet moan, the slight friction between them, mixed with the feeling of Grizz's warm flesh against his body was extremely overstimulating; in the best way of course. Sam gasped when he felt Grizz reach down between them and wrap his hand around Sam's erection, pumping him torturously slow. Grizz sat up to watch, ignoring his own needs, as Sam became a whimpering mess beneath him. God, Sam was so hot, Grizz thought. Settling between Sam's thighs, Grizz took Sam's cock into his hand and pumped him slowly, watching Sam for a moment before taking his tip into his mouth, his eyes never leaving Sam's. Grizz loved this, he forgot how much he did; sucking Sam off. Watching his chest rise and fall, hearing his moans. God, he wished Sam could hear how wonderful he sounded in that moment

. "Grizz, please- I need to be close to you." Sam panted out, fearing he might cum too soon if Grizz kept that up. Grizz didn't need to be told twice. Sitting up, Grizz reached into his bedside drawer to grab a condom and his bottle of lotion

. "Lay down against the pillows." He told Sam, reaching down to give himself some much needed friction for a moment before moving to sit between Sam's thighs, spreading them. Sam looked beautiful, all spread out for him. "Just breathe, okay? Tell me if it hurts too much." Grizz remembered how long it had taken Sam to adjust their first time, and he didn't want to hurt him. Once Sam gave the 'ok', Grizz coated his fingers in the lotion, slowly pushing one into Sam's entrance.

Sam winced in pain, it had been awhile, but reminded himself to breathe through it as he adjusted to Grizz's finger. Slowly relaxing, Sam shivered, nodding for Grizz to move. The moment Sam felt Grizz's finger curl and brush against his prostate his hips bucked up involuntarily, whimpering. Grizz took his time stretching Sam open, being extra careful not to hurt him. That was the last thing he wanted. Grizz couldn't help but admire Sam as he writhed on the sheets beneath him. He was just as he remembered him; perfect.

It took a few minutes, but Sam soon was begging Grizz. "Please Grizz, I need you inside of me." Sam panted.

Slowly slipping his fingers out of Sam, Grizz coated his own erection in the lotion, sighing at the slight friction he was giving himself before angling himself at Sam's entrance. "Breathe alright?" Grizz whispered, leaning down to capture Sam's lips in a kiss as he slowly pushed in.

Sam bit down on Grizz's bottom lip to ground himself, letting out a whimper as he felt Grizz opening him up. Despite the pain, Sam loved the feeling of being this close to Grizz. He had missed it. As Grizz bottomed out and his hips stilled, he rested his forhead against Sam's, relishing in the feeling of his warmth enveloping his cock and trying not to loose control.

"Y-you can move." Sam murmured, looking up at Grizz with lust blown eyes.

Grizz slowly pulled halfway out, before thrusting his hips forward, pushing back in, moaning all the while. With award winning patience, Grizz went as slow as he could manage, watching Sam's face for any signs of extreme discomfort. Sam looked stunning then as Grizz looked down at him; his jaw slacked, eyebrows raised, tenacious rays of light from the dimly lit lamps that surrounded the bedroom, covering his milky skin in a warm glow.

Sam felt the pain ebb, soon being replaced by pleasure. He found himself moaning, raising his legs higher against his chest to give Grizz a better angle. He needed him deeper, faster. Anything.

"More, Grizz please...."

Grizz didn't need to be told twice, pressing Sam's legs against his chest and Angling his hips downward to thrust up into Sam, making his trusts faster and deeper, loosing all care that the other people in the house could definitely hear them. Sam was moaning his name and it took every ounce of control Grizz had not to cum too early. Reaching down between them, Grizz wrapped his hand around Sam's erection, pumping him to match the rhythms of his thrusts and to hopefully bring Sam closer. Grizz knew he wasn't going to last much longer.

"Fuck, Grizz, I'm close." Sam panted out, feeling that familiar coil unwinding beneath his navel.

Grizz thrusted into Sam faster, moaning out his name as he fucked him through both of their orgasms, ribbons of white splattering against their torsos.

Grizz collapsed on top of Sam after carefully pulling out, pulling him close to his body as they came down from their highs. Looking down at Sam, Grizz brushed the hair from his sweat soaked forehead. "I missed that." He murmured, capturing Sam's lips in a kiss.


	4. Part 4- Realizations

"I don't know,Sam, I don't think I'm ready to meet the baby just yet." Grizz said to Sam as he slipped on his shoes.

Sam had proposed the idea to Grizz shortly after they began getting dressed. "Are you scared to? Or is it just nerves or something?" Sam asked.

Grizz sighed, "I don't know... She's your kid, Sam... It's still weird for me. I cant promise I wont walk out. It might just be too hard on me. Besides, does Becca even know about us yet?"

Sam shook his head. He couldn't help but feel guilty again when Grizz said, 'Your kid'. Sam wanted so badly just to tell Grizz the truth, but that wasn't his truth to tell.

"Why not?"

Sam shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't know If you were ready for people to know yet. It didn't feel like it was my place."

Grizz chuckled "Sam, we might die here. If I wasn't ready for people to know, I wouldn't have tried so hard to get with you in the first place. If we die here, I want people to know me for the real me, not just the me thy thought they knew." Grizz sighed, "Let's go to the hospital, I'm sure Becca is missing you."

Grizz was right, Becca had sent Sam at least 20 texts asking where he was, causing Sam and grizz to speed walk to the hospital. As they walked, a few people in town looked their way, causing Sam to feel nervous for some reason. Sam felt even more nervous as Grizz grabbed his hand, holding it as they walked. Approaching the hospital, Grizz felt his stomach quench; this was it, he was facing his fear: Becca and Sam's baby. Grizz had to hold himself back from getting emotional as they arrived in the maternity wing.

"There you are! Where have you been?" Becca practically screeched as Sam and Grizz rounded the corner. Then her eyes landed on Grizz. "Grizz! You're back! I heard the trip went well."

"Yeah.." Grizz said, his eyes traveling to the small child in Becca's arms. "Congratulations on the baby.. Sam told me you named her Eden, it's fitting." Grizz suddenly felt small despite being 6 foot 3.

Becca was beaming. "Thank you, wait, what are you doing here? No offense, I just didn't expect you to visit today considering you just got back and its- 2am."

Sam didn't even realize how late it had gotten. He answered for Grizz, "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Grizz and I... well.. We've been seeing each other?" His response came out as more of a question than a statement.

Becca raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two boys in front of her, Grizz awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. "Since when? Grizz, you're gay?"

"Thanksgiving."

"Uh, yeah?"

Becca's eyes went wide, tossing a pillow weakly in Sam's direction. "That's where you were when I went into labor? With him?! Wait- You lost your virginity and didn't even tell me didn't you?! Sam, you were getting dicked down while I was in labor! That's why you weren't answering your phone!?"

Sam let out a sigh, meanwhile Grizz stood their wide eyed. "Should I go and leave you two to talk?" Grizz asked awkwardly.

"No, no, stay..." Sam said, singing slowly. "Becca, I'm sorry. It just kinda- happened."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have rathered me told you while you were in labor? 'Hey Becca, sorry I'm late, I know it's a bad time considering you're crowning, but me and Grizz just had sex and I really like him. That cool?'" Sam mocked.

Becca rolled her eyes.

Grizz felt his heart ache; they were perfect for each other, they even argued like a couple. No wonder they hooked up.

"You should have told me after, you know I would have been fine with it. I've been waiting for you to meet someone, though I thought you wouldn't considering our situation," Grizz was shocked to hear that comment, even more shocked when Becca said, "Grizz, come sit."

Grizz looked at Sam for help, Sam just smiled as Grizz slowly walked over to Becca and the baby, sitting down on the bed between her and Sam.

"Want to hold her?" Becca asked, giving Grizz a smile.

Grizz felt his heart rate increase, "No, no, I wouldn't want to intrude or anything. Aren't you mad? Like, you're okay with me and Sam?"

Becca laughed, "Of course I'm not mad! Sam's my best friend, I want him to be happy," She shot a smile towards Sam, "And how would you be intruding? You can be a part of this too, you know. I'll take all the help I can get. Here, take her, just mind her head."

Grizz was on the verge of having a panic attack, taking Eden into his arms carefully and making sure to keep her head elevated. The small child looked up at Grizz sleepily, causing Grizz to notice her stark blue eyes. They were Sam's eyes. It made his heart ache. But then, she wrapped her little hand around Grizz's thumb, making his heart swell, despite him knowing it was just a reflex. Something about holding her was oddly comforting, despite the circumstances In which she was brought into this world.

"She's beautiful." Grizz signed with one hand, not speaking, afraid his voice might fail him. He could feel it now, he was getting emotional and he wasn't prepared for them to see him that way, nor did he want Eden to feed off of him. Babies were weird like that. "Becca, take her... I need a minute."

Grizz bolted out of the room as quickly as he could.

Becca raised an eyebrow, turning to Sam with Eden in her arms. "Is he okay?"

Sam sighed, "He's been upset ever since he found out about her... That she's 'mine'. He's scared he's being a home wrecker."

Becca suddenly felt guilty herself, she knew that this wasn't fair to either Sam nor Grizz, but she couldn't find it in herself to tell either of them the truth of who the father really was. She knew it would break Sam's heart. "He'll get over it once he realizes we aren't like that together, right?"

"Becca, he needs to know the truth. This almost ruined us last time before he left, I can tell it bothers him.."

Becca shook her head, "No, Sam, I... I can't.. You can't. Please.."

***

Sam found Grizz outside of the hospital near the entrance, taking deep breaths as he leaned against the brick, his breath puffing out in clouds in front of him due to the cold. His face illuminated by the hospital sign.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, approaching him slowly.

Grizz sighed, "She has your eyes, Sam... She looks just like Becca but with your eyes.. I can't- I can't do this."

Sam felt himself grow uneasy. He had never given it much thought, Eden's eyes. But now that he thought about it, she did have his eyes. But how?.... "Grizz- please... Don't- Don't leave. We just got back together, I can't loose you again."

Grizz sighed, watching as the air left his lungs, "How can I look at her, and not be reminded every day of the fact that she's yours? The fact that you'll never truly be mine? The fact that you slept with Becca and have a child with her? That I'll never be a part of it? I can't do that, Sam. It hurts too much. I just can't."

Sam sighed, in that moment he felt so conflicted between Eden having his eyes and wanting to tell Grizz the truth. But how would Grizz believe him now? Not now that he saw that Eden had blue eyes. How did she have his eyes?? "Grizz, you can be a part of this, Becca even said, she can use all of the help she can get. And, I am yours, I'm all yours if you want me to be... Becca and I.. We're not like that. We never have been, I told you. Please, don't let this get to you.. Please."

"She has your eyes! How can that not upset me?" Grizz yelled. "They're as blue as the damn sky in the summer time! Just like yours! Your eyes! The ones that I fell for! The ones I opened my soul up to! The ones-"

"They're not mine! Eden isn't mine!" Sam shouted, finally snapping. "I don't know how her eyes are blue, her real dad's must be! But I wouldn't know because I don't know who that is!" Sam was breathing heavily, his words hung in the air. He suddenly realized what he had just done. "Fuck! Don't tell Becca I told you..."

"Sam? Are you saying what I think you're saying? Why would you tell me that she was yours?" Grizz was stunned, suddenly no longer angry, more confused.

Sam sighed, "Becca and I agreed that that was what we would tell people when I agreed to help her out, we agreed that I would say I was the father... I don't know who the real dad is, she won't tell me. But I promised her that I would be a father to this child, Grizz. I promised I would live this lie as being her biological father to keep her secret. She's my best friend, Grizz, I had to. please understand, please don't tell her I told you..."

Grizz stood there in shock, not believing what he was hearing, "Sam... You lied to me."

"I had to! I had no other choice! I promised her, and I ended up hurting you in the process. Fuck, I'm so sorry..." Sam was crying rather relentlessly now.

It took a lot, but Grizz couldn't stand seeing Sam cry, letting out a sigh, he pulled him close, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy tightly. It's okay.. We'll figure this out.. I won't tell her."

"Thank you..."


	5. Chapter 5- realizations

Grizz and Sam slept in the hospital that night, the bed in the room besides Becca's and Eden's. Grizz was wide awake still, despite his exhaustion, his mind loud with thought. The events of the day had been too much on him, way too much. He was eager for a few days of peace and quiet. Though, he doubted he'd get them. Luke turned on him, Sam was back in his life, Sam had a baby, but it wasn't his baby.... too much for one day indeed. However, his thoughts were disturbed when he heard Eden crying. Not wanting to wake Sam, he carefully slid out from beneath his hold and creeped over to Becca's room, only to find her looking extremely distressed, holding a screaming Eden in her arms. 

"She never sleeps!" Becca sighed, "I don't know what's wrong, she just ate and she doesn't need to be changed..." 

"Want me to take her?" Grizz offered, figuring if he was going to be a part of whatever this was, he may as well start now. 

Becca smiled tiredly, "Please..." 

Grizz carefully walked over to Eden's crib, staring at her for a moment before scooping the screaming child up into his arms carefully and rocking her back and forth until she started to calm down, looking up sleepily at Grizz before her eyes drifted shut. "I think she just needed to be held..." Grizz took a seat in the chair besides Becca's bed and continued rocking the sleeping girl, unable to stop smiling at the sight of her peacefully asleep.

"You're good with her... she likes you." Becca said tiredly, laying back in her bed. 

Grizz smiled down at Eden, she wrapped her hand around his thumb again as she slept, warming Grizz's aching heart. Maybe Eden wasn't just sam's child; maybe she was just what Grizz needed. A beacon of hope. 

***

When Sam woke up the next morning, his neck was stiff, his face swollen from crying and his neck and back aching from the hospital bed. Glancing next to him, he was shocked to discover that Grizz was gone. Panic. Had he left? Would he do that? Sam couldn't blame him...

Sam made his way over to Becca's room to ask if she had heard him leave when he stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway. He felt like he might cry at the sight in front of him; there sat Grizz in the chair next to a Becca's bed, Eden on his chest, both of them sound asleep. Sam smiled to himself, then saw Becca smiling at him. 

'She likes him.' Becca signed, gesturing for Sam to join her on the bed. 

Sam sat beside Becca and pulled her close for a moment, letting out a sigh before pulling away. He felt guilty, he had told her secret. 'Becca, can we talk?' Sam signed. 

Becca nodded, worry written all over her tired face. 

'Grizz pointed out something about Eden that got me thinking.... she has my eyes, Becca. My eyes. How?' 

Becca's own eyes went wide, her mouth agape. Oh no, no no no... Sam can't know. He couldn't. 'Babies eyes are always blue when they're first born.' 

Sam gave her a stern glance. 'They're a hazy blue when they're first born, Becca. Not sky blue. She's two weeks old now, her eyes match mine perfectly. But we both know damn well that she isn't biologically mine. Who's is she, Becca? Who else with blue eyes? Is it Luke?' 

'Let it go, Sam. Please.' Becca pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes. 

Sam was about to continue when he noticed Grizz stirring and Becca's eyes glancing behind Sam. Turning, Sam Sam Campbell standing in the doorway. 

"Well, isn't this cute. What a precious little family!" Campbell mocked, picking at his nails. "What's Grizz doing here?" 

Grizz's protective instincts kicked in. He knew Campbell was nuts and he was not about to let him near them, especially not Sam or Eden. Setting Eden down in her crib, Grizz rose to his feet, sizing Campbell up. "What do you want, Campbell?" 

Campbell chuckled, "I only came to see the new addition to my family. Though, I still can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of Sam, my fag brother, being a dad! I mean how crazy is that?" Campbell glanced down at Eden in her crib, she was awake now, looking at him with wide eyes. "She has your eyes, Sam." He turned to Becca. "Though, I think we all know here that they aren't Sam's, don't we?" 

Becca was on the verge of tears. "Leave, now." 

"I think I have every right to be here." Campbell countered. 

It clicked to Grizz then. And oh god, he wished he hadn't put the pieces together so quickly. He was a I out to interject, when Sam stood up, getting in Campbell's face. 

"Leave. Now." He said sternly, Grizz didn't think he had ever heard Sam talk with such a voice. "You're not coming near my family. Not now or ever." 

Campbell raised an eyebrow, "Is it really your family, Sam? Tell me, how does a child, that you know you didn't help conceive, have your eyes? Your freckles? Tell me Sam. Think. Get it through that retarded brain of yours." 

Sam felt his heart stop. He turned to Becca. "Becca, tell me this isn't true.... he's lying. Isn't he?" 

Becca was sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Sam..." 

Sam was somewhere between heartbroken and enraged. "When? When did this happen? 10 months ago... 10 months ago..." 

"It was when you had me come over for Campbell's birthday party.. fuck I'm so sorry Sam.." 

Sam thought back to that night and he felt his stomach lurch. "Becca, I had to carry you to my room that night. You were passed out drunk on the guest bedroom- oh my god..." He turned to Campbell, the sudden realization hitting him like a ton of bricks, and all he saw was red. "You fucking monster!" Sam was shoving Campbell, taking him down to the floor, his fists hurtling towards his face. "How. Fucking. Dare. You. You. Piece. Of. Garbage. Pathetic. You're. Nothing!" He said in between punches. He had lost all control, eventually, once Grizz had realized what was happening and heard Eden crying, he pulled Sam off of Campbell, holding him back with all of his strength. 

"Stop! Sam! He isn't worth it!" Grizz said, turning Sam's face so he could read his lips. "He. Isn't. Worth. It." 

"He raped her! My best fucking friend!" 

Between the yelling and the fighting, Kelly had heard the commotion, heard every word said, and called the guard, they arrived quickly, separating the two brothers. 

"Get him out!" Kelly shouted, talking about Campbell. Jason and Clarke, shocked by Kelly shouting, didn't hesitate to remove Campbell from the hospital. 

Kelly ran to Becca's side, holding her close as she cried for a few moments, motioning for Grizz to get Sam out of there, saying she'd handle Becca and Eden. 

Sam was in shock, utter disbelief. Grizz was holding him down in the hospital bed they had shared the previous night, keeping him from hurting himself or someone else, eventually holding him as he sobbed.


	6. Part 6- mending

(A/N Here’s more of a wholesome chapter for you guys! Figured you’d need it after that last one) 

Sam woke up the following morning with sore hands and a nauseated stomach. He was more than relieved to wake up next to a sleeping Grizz. In all honesty, Sam had been so scared he would wake up without him there. He had been the past two times they had fallen asleep at each others side. Sam glanced down at his bruised and busted knuckles, memories of the day before playing over and over in his mind. He knew he should go check on Becca, but he decided to steal a few moments in Grizz’s arms, gazing up at him and relishing in the peacefulness Of Grizz’s expression as he slept. His lips slightly parted, his usually knitted together eyebrows raised, he was beautiful when he slept. Well, Grizz was always beautiful. 

Sam took these few extra minutes to take in Grizz’s appearance, count every freckle he could, he’d never tire of looking at Grizz. Finally, after probably 10 minutes had passed, Sam carefully slipped out of Grizz’s hold and eased over to Becca and Eden’s room. Finding Eden asleep in her crib, and Becca awake. 

“Hey.” Sam whispered, giving Becca a small smile. 

Becca looked up and her eyes went wide, surprised to see him so early. “Hey...” she said, honestly relieved to see her best friend again after what had happened last night. “Want to sit?” She asked, patting the spot next to her. 

Sam sat beside his best friend, taking her hand in his broken one. “Becca I’m- im so sorry.... I don’t know what to say... Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Becca sighed, feeling guilty. “I thought you’d hate me if you knew... he found me when I was drunk. I was lonely and avoiding the party in the guest bedroom and he kept me company. He also kept giving me drinks... I think I was already so drunk I didn’t care it was him talking to me. I don’t remember much though after the third drink he gave me...” she glanced up at Sam with tear filled eyes. “I’m so sorry, Sam...” 

Sam pulled Becca close, wrapping his arms around her and enfolding her in a large hug. “Don’t apologize. This wasn’t your fault... I’m so sorry he did that to you, Becca. I’m so sorry...” 

When they pulled away, Becca wiped away at her tears and glanced at Eden. “One good thing came out of this- her.” She smiled at the sleeping child. 

Sam smiled sadly. “I’m sorry you had to see me react like that... I just couldn’t help it. You’re my best friend.” 

Becca smiled at Sam, “Honestly, Sam, I could care less. Is your hand okay?” 

Sam held it up for her to see, “I think it’ll survive.” He chuckled. 

Becca smiled before glancing behind Sam, seeing a sleepy Grizz walk through the door. “I’ll give you two some time to talk. Oh- by the way, Grizz. If you hurt him- I’ll kill you. I forgot to mention that the other day.” 

Grizz felt fear creep up on him at the seriousness of Becca’s tone, but it was put at ease when Sam stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll be in the next room if you need anything, okay?” Sam said, signing along with his words. 

Becca nodded, giving the boys a smile as they left her room, shutting the door behind them. 

“Did you sleep okay?” Sam asked quietly as Grizz sat down on the bed, hoping he wouldn’t want to talk about last night. It was still too fresh. 

“Yeah, as well as I could in these beds.” Grizz said with a small chuckle. “I’m more worried about you though, are you okay?” 

Sam sighed, sitting down next to Grizz. “No, but I will be.” He said honestly. 

“What do you need? What would help?” 

Sam looked into Grizz’s eyes. “To be close to you... you’re the only thing that makes sense to me in this world right now. I just need to be close to you.” 

Smiling softly, Grizz laid down, pulling Sam down with him onto the bed and pulling him close into his side. Grizz tangled his fingers into Sam’s hair, playing with it to keep him at ease. Grizz loved this; holding Sam. It was the peace that he needed after everything that had gone down in the past three days. Sam was everything he needed.


	7. Chapter 7

(Another wholesome chapter mixed with some fluff and smut and comfort. You're welcome) 

Three weeks later 

Three weeks had passed, and much to Grizz's pleasure, the only big thing that had happened was that him, Sam, Becca and Eden had moved into Becca's house from the hospital, and turned it into their own home. Grizz and Sam had turned the guest bedroom into a nursery for Eden, using Becca's old crib they found in the basement, and decorations and other supplies from the local store. Luckily the childhood section of the store was pretty much still fully in stock. They even repainted the room. It looked like an actual nursery. 

Sam and Grizz got Becca's parents old room, Becca not wanting to give up her own, said they could have it as long as they 'cleaned up' after themselves. Grizz was grateful for this, his own home had become so overoccupied that he couldn't see it as his home anymore. So, he had simply moved his things, such as his books and photographs and clothes, over to Becca's. They had a home now. 

At first, Grizz had worried they were moving too fast by moving in together so quickly. But, then he remembered that their lifespan was not guaranteed in this new universe. And, he had made a promise to Becca to help her and Sam with Eden. And Grizz stuck to his promises. 

Things had finally calmed down. 

**  
Sam and Grizz sat in their room up late tonight, having just tended to Eden's late night qualms, reading together in a comfortable silence. Though, around Sam, things were often silent. Which Grizz found oddly comforting. Especially tonight, after what seemed like so long of never ending hell, the silence was much needed. 

Sam tapped on Grizz's shoulder, breaking the silence. "Have you read this one before by Ginsberg?" Sam asked, pointing to the poem in which he was inquiring. 

Grizz shook his head. "Read it to me?" 

Sam smiled, clearing his throat and setting the book down in his lap so he could sign; "The weight of the world  
is love.  
Under the burden  
of solitude,  
under the burden  
of dissatisfaction

the weight,  
the weight we carry  
is love.

Who can deny?  
In dreams  
it touches  
the body,  
in thought  
constructs  
a miracle,  
in imagination  
anguishes  
till born  
in human–  
looks out of the heart  
burning with purity–  
for the burden of life  
is love,

but we carry the weight  
wearily,  
and so must rest  
in the arms of love  
at last,  
must rest in the arms  
of love.

No rest  
without love,  
no sleep  
without dreams  
of love–  
be mad or chill  
obsessed with angels  
or machines,  
the final wish  
is love  
–cannot be bitter,  
cannot deny,  
cannot withhold  
if denied:

the weight is too heavy

–must give  
for no return  
as thought  
is given  
in solitude  
in all the excellence  
of its excess.

The warm bodies  
shine together  
in the darkness,  
the hand moves  
to the center  
of the flesh,  
the skin trembles  
in happiness  
and the soul comes  
joyful to the eye–

yes, yes,  
that's what  
I wanted,  
I always wanted,  
I always wanted,  
to return  
to the body  
where I was born.'" Sam sighed and smiled to himself. "It's my favorite by him. It reminds me of you."

Grizz felt tears well up in his eyes, smiling at Sam and leaning over to kiss him softly. "It's beautiful. You're beautiful. I love it...." Grizz wanted so badly to say those three words In that moment, but he knew it was too soon despite his feelings. 

Sam smiled softly, looking up at Grizz, "You know, I remember, shortly after this whole parallel universe thing happened, telling Becca that I was going to die alone. The perfect Christian virgin.... I remember asking her how, two people who love each other, how they found each other in the first place. I never thought I'd find someone who cared for me in that way. But you- you make me feel loved." Sam said softly, signing along with his words, never breaking eye contact with Grizz. 

Grizz was speechless. His mind was screaming at him to just tell Sam how he felt. Instead, he pulled Sam close into a kiss so passionate, he only hoped it would convey the message; the words he wouldn't dare speak out loud. The moment Sam began kissing Grizz back, Grizz's brain shut up, all thoughts being consumed by Sam and his sweet lips. Grizz felt his heart race increase as he slowly pushed the book in Sam's lap aside, moving to settle between Sam's legs on the bed, pushing him down gently so he was on top of him as they kissed. Grizz bit down on Sam's bottom lip, causing Sam to let out a moan against Grizz's lips, which only egged Grizz on more. Grizz decided that if he couldn't say those words to Sam, he would show him how he felt. Moving to trail barely there kisses down Sam's neck, Sam's breathing became rapid, and Grizz grew more and more excited, making sure to go as slow as possible. 

Sam was shivering beneath Grizz's touch, his whole body felt as if it were on fire. An addicting one at that. Grizz kissed to Sam's shirt collar, pushing it aside to press kisses to his collar bone, causing Sam to whimper. That was his sweet spot. Grizz tugged up on Sam's shirt, indicating for him to take it off. Sam didn't need to be told twice, lifting himself up and tossing his shirt to the floor, sighing when he felt Grizz kissing down his bare torso, licking and nipping at every inch of skin he could reach. Sam was in pure heaven, he never wanted this to end. 

Grizz made his way down to the hem of Sam's jeans, hooking his fingers around the hem and looking up at Sam. "Mind if I take these off?" Grizz asked. Sam nodded, wanting nothing more than to be close to Grizz. 

Grizz took his time, slowly slipping away Sam’s jeans and underwear, eventually they joined the rest of Sam’s clothing on the floor. Grizz marveled at the sight of Sam in front of him, legs spread, panting, naked. His lips swollen and cheeks flushed. He was absolutely beautiful. Stunning. Grizz could look at Sam for hours this way. But he knew he couldn’t, so he settled between Sam’s legs, he was about to take his erection into his mouth before Sam stopped him. 

“I want to be close to you, nothing between us.” Sam said suddenly, making Grizz’s heart leap. 

Did Sam feel what he felt? Or was he just too excited to wait? Either way, Grizz quickly tossed aside his clothing, ripping a few buttons off of his flannel in the process. Grizz moved to settle on top of Sam, but Sam placed a hand on Grizz’s chest. 

“Let me look at you for a moment.” Sam spoke, his eyes trailing up and down Grizz’s body. “I’ve never gotten the chance to just- look at you this way. You’re perfect. Did you know that?” 

Grizz’s heart warmed, smiling as he leaned back down to kiss Sam. Flesh against flesh, two bodies intertwined. The feeling sent shivers down both of the boys spines, causing Grizz to moan at the sensation. Pulling away from the kiss, Grizz placed his fingers against Sam’s lips, and Sam knew what Grizz wanted him to do. Taking Grizz’s fingers between his lips, Sam lapped his tongue over them, never breaking eye contact. This drove Grizz crazy. Pulling his fingers out of Sam’s mouth, he carefully settled them between Sam’s cheeks, teasing his entrance with his now lubricated fingers. As he pushed one in, Sam tried to close his eyes, turn his head away like he always did. As if he were embarrassed. But Grizz used his free hand to turn Sam’s face towards his own, Sam opening his eyes. 

“Look at me,” Grizz murmured, “I want to watch you.” 

So Sam did, his eyes never leaving Grizz’s as Grizz worked him open. Grizz was growing harder and harder by the minute, watching Sam as he moaned beneath him, whimpering and murmuring ‘more, please’ over and over. There was nothing better than watching Sam, Grizz decided. Except maybe being inside of him. 

“I’m ready...” Sam panted out. 

Grizz settled between Sam’s thighs again, the two never breaking eye contact as Grizz angled himself at Sam’s entrance, slowly pushing in. Grizz moaned as Sam’s tight walls pulled him in, engulfing Grizz’s cock in a Devine warmth that no words could describe. His heart was pounding. He loved this; being close and connected to Sam. He loved Sam- but he wouldn’t tell him that. Not yet. Instead, as he bottomed out, he stilled, resting his forehead against Sam’s as he waited for Sam to adjust. Grizz leaned down to brush hair out of Sam’s eyes. 

“Breathe, baby. You’re so beautiful right now.” Grizz said. 

Grizz’s words relaxed Sam tenfold , Sam took a deep breath and felt his walls relaxing around Grizz, the pain ebbing and turning to pleasure. The feeling of Grizz stretching him open, filling him up, it was almost too much. But god, was it amazing. Sam nodded his head, gesturing for Grizz to move. When he did, Sam whimpered, feeling Grizz hit his prostate, just barely brushing against it. 

“Fuck.. Grizz.” Sam whined, clutching onto Grizz’s shoulders, his eyes fluttering shut as he relished in the pleasure of Grizz’s thrusts. 

Grizz tapped on Sam’s chin again and stilled his hips, causing Sam to open his eyes. “Look at me.”

Grizz watched, with every thrust Sam’s eyes would widen slightly, his jaw lax as he let out the most glorious of sounds. Grizz loved the way Sam sounded. It was almost too much. He picked up his pace, reaching down between them to stroke Sam’s cock to bring him closer to the edge. This was all too intense; the eye contact,how close they were. Grizz knew he wouldn’t last much longer, but he was determined to get Sam to that point as well. 

Sam felt that familiar heat bubbling up behind his navel, that coil unwinding. “Fuck- Grizz- I’m, close...” Sam panted out, gripping onto Grizz’s shoulders for dear life. 

Grizz was close too, leaning down to kiss Sam as he felt himself come undone inside of him, moaning into Sam’s mouth as Sam came as well, ribbons of white spewing across both of the boys chests. Grizz thrusted into Sam, fucking them both through their orgasm until it became too much, overstimulated, Grizz stilled his hips. His forehead resting on Sam’s as they both panted, coming down from their highs. 

As Grizz opened his eyes and saw Sam staring back up at him, he kissed his lips softly, murmuring the words he’d be too scared to speak if he wasn’t experiencing the high of his life. “I love you.” 

Sam felt his heart flutter. “I love you too.”


End file.
